I was always better at writing not speaking

August 10th, I've now been at ERC for 5 months working towards becoming a great barista, i've met a handful of people who have come and gone all of whom i've enjoyed talking to and working with. I also have my first real girlfriend in my life, Tessa Amoroso, who I greatly admire and adore. We went up to lake Winnepausaukee last Thursday and Friday together because my father gave us a free hotel room. First our stupidity led us to the Pirates Coves mini-golf course in NORTH CONWAY, upon arriving we realized our GPS was wrong and that there was one directly next to our hotel. We grabbed subs and ate them by the lake then proceeded to mini-golf. After this we went to the boardwalk together and played skee ball and a variety of other cute games together.
The next day we woke up and had lunch on the docks at the Margate, my favorite hotel spot on the lake! After this we headed to Weir's Beach to go down the volcano waterslide, and chill out on the beautiful warm beach for a few hours. We also hit up a spot where we got candy and ice cream and you guessed it, played more mini-golf. :) To end the night we hit up T-Bones which my mom suggested to me and listened to Animal Collective the entire way home, quite a fun trip.

Amphetamine Praise

I've been drinking a lot, working a lot, having a lot of fun. I'm a zombie right now because the night before blowing lines of uppers with my friend from home Andrew Johnson. We conversed on his porch from 12-7, drinking pbrs and smoking cigarettes all night, quite amazing. Keep it up dude!

Wednesday Morning 3AM

Life is coming to a halt. The end of the semester, the end of friends who are departing for uncertain futures has left me quite empty these past few days. Sure the fact that i'm coming down from a five day binge of snorting uppers is holding me in an odd purgatory that I can't quite figure out, but I think the underlying problem is within myself and my inability to secure something that really is my own. I'm done with one of my classes so that has alleviated some stress, but there still lies a deep problem within my mind that has driven me off the wall for the past 3 months. What is it really? I feel that my social skills have degraded since high school even and that i'm more of a recluse than I ever was. Sure I know people, but I feel there is an understanding of what my existence is to others. I'm looking at things too pessimistically to be straight, but this is how i'm feeling. My inability to accomplish, to construct, to build anything of meaning has come to a low point. Pills Pills, Marijuana, Cannabis, Uppers, Downers have definitely altered my state of reality and the way I perceive the world around me and up until recently I thought this was a good thing, but i'm really not sure where I could go at this point. I could see myself giving up one day and striving for the best the next.

Anyway, Panda Bear's new album "Tomboy" is fucking brilliant. As always he provides the catchiest Beach Boy pop vocals, but the tone on this album is different than Person Pitch with shorter and more structured songs. I love how the tone of the album changes from song to song. Songs like Last Night At the Jetty, and Slow Motion are just superbly crafted tracks with singable melodies and intricate beats that create some of the chillest vibes i've been able to indulge in a very long time. Other songs, such as my currently favorite Friendship Bracelet are just bizarrely ambient tracks with a variety of sounds and effects altering the vocals in a way that puts the listener in an absolute dream world. Ideals are what we strive for, and as all music is subjective this certainly hits the ideals i strive for day to day as of late. Sporadic but relaxed. Well thought out but actually borderline insane.

In terms of my life: I finished one of my four classes this semester, "advanced writing in the disciplines." I was actually quite aggravated that I had to take a class with this approach, but the way our teacher structured the class was very laid back and utilized a more creative approach to writing than probably every other teacher i've had. Like all of my classes at northeastern I've only made some minor "contacts", people who i'll awkwardly say hi to for another month or so but never after that. Everyone there seemed so nice but there just isn't an opportunity for me to establish a long term friendship through a class. Whatever. I have some traveling to look forward to, but my inability to correct myself and get my shit together will prove stressful. I need to realize that leaving my comfort zone is the best way for me to truly succeed in life and that I must do it everyday in some way. I'm blabbing now at this point, and though it feels great I must stop.